For the last three or so weeks, my two girls have been singing, listening to (and watching via YouTube) the featured songs from Disney’s “Frozen” practically non-stop. One day my four-year-old Olivia’s singing (and acting) frenzy started at 7 am all the way until lunchtime at 11, much to the amusement of her grandma. Today, when I dropped off Olivia at preschool, one of her best friends greeted her by showing off her “Elsa” braid, as Olivia was of course sporting one too =)
From what I have seen and heard, this has become somewhat of a sing-a-long social bonding phenomenon among our local 4- to 7-year-olds, as many of their school friends have started doing the same thing as well. (I think the bug has hit many moms as well…and at least one dad that I know of!)
I admit my husband and I have contributed to this frenzy for our girls. Afterall, if they are going to be singing the songs day in and day out anyhow, then they might as well learn the lyrics and melodies as correctly as is possible at this stage in their young lives. My husband purchased the mp3s for the soundtrack to play during car rides, I purchased a downloadable copy of the piano music for one song, “Let It Go” (I pre-ordered and am eagerly awaiting the official Disney piano songbook with all the songs), and I showed my girls how to search for the official Frozen music videos on YouTube. Apparently there are also video tutorials on how to create Elsa’s hairstyle –here are a couple that looked pretty easy to follow and didn’t require volumizing powder or hair extensions: Video 1 and Video 2 (with bangs):
On one car ride driving Amethyst (grade 1) and two of her good friends home from dance class, the three of them were belting out “Let It Go” and then having a mini-philosophical discussion among themselves about what “Let It Go” means:
“Why is she saying, ‘Let it go’?”
“I think maybe cuz she’s letting her hair go” (referring to how Elsa undoes her hair and lets it fall into a braid.)
“I think it’s cuz she’s making the snow fall, like letting it go from the sky.”
“I think cuz she takes off her gloves and throws them away, like letting them go away.”
And then of course they asked me. I hadn’t thoroughly thought this out at that point, although I remember being quite emotionally impacted by the song when I watched it in the theaters a couple weeks earlier. I offered up something along the lines of, I think she’s letting go of fear… I couldn’t really elaborate on the spot, and my answer may have been a bit too abstract to really make sense to them, but that was okay because they were eager to resume singing anyhow.
Now that I have a moment to reflect, however, I wanted to take some time to elaborate on some of my thoughts and take-aways from this movie, without giving away too much (hopefully) of the plot for those who have not yet had a chance to watch this movie, but sharing some of the main lessons I felt God was reinforcing in me and my life through the story.
(I will be referring to the content of the songs of the movie throughout, however…so maybe to be on the safe side, do go out and watch the movie first before reading on, unless you are already familiar with the songs or aren`t bothered by knowing certain details/themes in advance!)
Gift or Curse?
One of the big questions faced by the elder of two royal sisters, Elsa, was whether or not her gift of “creating ice and snow” was a “gift” or rather a curse. A childhood accident involving her powers, which could have potentially killed her beloved younger sister, Ana, left her and her parents so scared of her powers, nothing else seemed to matter more from then on than figuring out how to contain them.
Apparently, Elsa’s powers were so unique there was no one to turn to who could provide any guidance or wisdom on how to handle them, how to channel them in a way that they could become a “gift” to be utilized for life and goodness versus a “curse” that trapped her in isolation with guilt and shame.
“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know….Well, now they know!”
These lyrics from “Let It Go” (full lyrics provided at end of this post) reveal the “strategy” Elsa and her parents had taken on for dealing with her unique powers: She would have to figure out how to hide this powerful side of herself, because only then would she be the “good girl” she needs to be. Basically, only when she has mastered the art of hiding who or what she is (a girl with unique powers), could she even begin to hope to be “acceptable” and “good enough” for society, or even safe enough for hanging out with her sister again.
Because they were so afraid of her powers and their potential harm (understandably so, because if their had been someone to consult, they most certainly had the resources to call upon the best help out there), there was no option of trying to understand them, but rather, the only task at hand would be to hide them, to conceal them.
And because her powers seemed tied to and triggered by her emotions, including fear (if not especially fear…because isn’t that what she was feeling when she lost control of them in the first place during that opening scene?), the only practical approach they could think of to hide Elsa’s powers was to train and and encourage her to exercise greater self-discipline and self-control over any and all emotions:.
“Just….don’t….feel…”
Now obviously I don’t have secret snow-, ice-, castle- and dress-making powers. I don’t have fears of accidentally zapping someone I love in the heart and turning them into ice…
I do however relate to the feeling from my days of struggling with depression that something was so wrong with me that the best option I could think of to “deal” with myself was to hide, and to learn how not to feel or to not let my feelings “come out” in relationships as much as possible.
Particularly in high school during my junior year (grade 11), the year I hit rock-bottom emotionally, I had this group of 5 amazing girlfriends I spent the majority of my time with throughout high school. As I was becoming aware of certain details of my story which contributed to my emotional brokenness, initially I sought out support from my friends, because I knew how important social support was — and my friends were those rare types of people that would definitely care and do their best to help me in any way that they could. However, as I quickly realized that my depression and suicidal thoughts were not something that could be “solved” and made to go away overnight, or even in any foreseeable short-term future, I remember one day deciding that the best thing I could do was to quietly withdraw from my circle of friends, because as I saw it, if I was “going down,” the last thing I would ever want would be to make my friends lives “go down” with me, in any way, shape or form.
Grade 11 at that time was a critical year for our student career — it was the year we took our SATs and ACTs, and the year that our grades really counted towards determining our class rank, and whether or not some of my friends’ hard work would pay off with Ivy League school admission. I don’t remember details any longer, but I do remember one of my most brilliant friends sharing with me that because she was worried and concerned for me, she was starting to have some difficulty concentrating or sleeping. This of course wasn’t life or death, and she wasn’t presenting her situation to me in that light at all, but it dawned on me in that moment how her efforts to care for me could seriously impact her academic performance as my own struggles with depression had started impacting my own that year. I resolved in that moment that my friends (and family) would be better off without me, until I could figure out whether it was possible and how to manage my own issues and problems and emotions. It mattered the world to me that they cared that much, and I did draw immeasurable strength and encouragement from being loved by such great people, but I felt like in good conscience I could not ask for more.
Now fast forward a year, one suicide attempt later where God audibly spoke to me and subsequently lead me to discover and cultivate a deeper relationship with Him where He had a plan of healing for me that He would personally lead and empower me through (I share more of my story of hitting rock bottom here). While I had learned now to not be so afraid of myself (now that I had God on my side!) that I was no longer afraid to be “living,” I still had reservations about who I was because of my brokenness and how strong my emotions of depression could be, that I felt I had to keep this part of me hidden from all other people.
This was my burden to bear, my battle to fight. I didn’t know exactly how to bear and carry it, but since I knew how to turn to God for help whenever I was overwhelmed, enough so that even when it felt like it was crushing and destroying me, I knew with a certainty that it wouldn’t, and I just needed to wait for each “episode” to pass and then turn my attention to see how God would grow me through it. I honestly felt however that other people wouldn’t be able to understand, and it would be unfair of me to expect or ask for them to do so. That letting others in on my emotional battles could potentially crush them, adding more guilt and shame on top of what I already felt.
There was one day I was feeling especially overwhelmed by my depression that even though I had one of my best friends over, I had to run to the bathroom (or washroom, for all you Canadians out there) and lock the door to cry the feelings out of me. My friend followed me to the bathroom and knocked on the door. She wasn’t imposing, or emotional, or judgmental, or resentful (reminds me a bit of Anna….):
My friend: “Angela, you can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
Me: “I know that…”
My friend: “You can’t carry the weight of your world on your own shoulders.”
I’m not sure if I ever responded to her statement (I think she heard my sobs calm down and was satisfied after that to wait patiently outside for me to recover and come out on my own). But the profound wisdom and love she spoke to me that day that has stayed with me ever since.
Lessons on Dealing with Fear and Shame
1. We Need to be True to One’s Self to Move Forward
In “Let It Go” (lyrics and video), we see Elsa finally stepping out of hiding from herself. Well, not so much by choice, but because it is too late to go back into hiding who she is as her secret is now out.
Now that she is no longer preoccupied with figuring out how to hide this part of herself that caused her so much fear and shame, she is finally “letting go” of the fears and inhibitions to be true to who she is and give herself permission to test her powers and discover her gift. And quite frankly, the results (besides the unintended eternal winter snow storm she unknowingly left behind in her hometown) are magnificent and beautiful! (If only I had a valid reason to purchase and wear Queen Elsa’s Ice Queen dress for a day =)!)
One of the theme passages God keeps highlighting to me this year is the Psalm 139 where the psalmist declares the truth that we are all “fearfully, wonderfully made” (verses 13-15). Who we are, in all of our uniqueness, in our perceived perfections and flaws, strengths and weaknesses–we were not created by mistake, but were thought out and crafted…each and every detail.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)
Obviously, we are not created already “perfect,” nor are we created in an already perfected world, and we are not all given circumstances or parents who are perfectly ideal. There are things about ourselves and in all of our lives that need to grow, that need to be developed and improved, throughout the duration of our lives on this side of Heaven. We all need to learn self-control, delayed gratification, to be able to choose the “better” over the “quicker and easier,” and ultimately how to love and receive love more perfectly.
We are all works in progress. And yet, we need to know in the depths of our hearts that we are indeed worth investing into, so that we can confidently and boldly put in the effort necessary for our development and growth!
Growing and developing is hard work–seriously, it takes everything we’ve got… To be haunted by feelings of worthlessness or shame or “something is inherently wrong with me” is to be severely handicapped and crippled even before we ever get started.
As long as we are stuck questioning our worth, questioning whether this or that about ourselves makes us too unacceptable to even be worth exploring and taking a second look at to figure out, then we will be too preoccupied with hiding ourselves to even begin the process of discovering and developing our gifts and potential…which I believe inevitably and necessarily requires our hearts, the source of our feelings and passions.
2. We Need to believe that Choosing to be True to One’s Self DOES NOT EQUAL Choosing Isolation
While it was an important and necessary first step for Elsa to “run away” to a place where she is “alone” enough where her fears of harming other people are a non-issue to even begin exercising and discovering herself and what she is able to do with her “gift,” this is still only the beginning step in finding true freedom from her fears.
When we still feel shame about who we are, when we feel defective and somehow hopelessly unfit for society, we struggle with a tension between wanting to be “free” versus wanting to be “connected,” as if the two goals are at odds with one another. And ultimately, because we can’t escape who we truly are at our core, we may conclude that the only way to ever be “free” to be ourselves is to run away and live all alone. Being by ourselves becomes our only logical and “safe” option.
In “Let It Go,” Elsa sings about how now that she has run away, she is in “A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the Queen.” Letting go of her fears and letting herself be free means she has to not “care what [people are] going to say,” and that she has do throw off any and all rules that previously held her back:
“It’s time to see what I can do, To test the limits and break through…
No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free!”
Later on, in “For The First Time In Forever (Reprisal)”, she sings to her sister:
“I know…
You mean well, but leave me be
Yes, I’m alone, but I’m alone and free
Just stay away and you’ll be safe from me”
The truth is and always will be, however, that the only way we can ever be fully free is in community. The true definition of freedom for us as human beings — as I believe we are created inherently relational — is to be free to love and be loved by God and others… Freedom therefore is not the opposite of, or in opposition to, connection, but its very essence and goal is connection.
Don’t get me wrong, oftentimes separation and isolation can be a crucial step to finding freedom, because the amount of fear we are dealing with can at least subside enough temporarily that we are able to see and discover ourselves and hear what’s going on inside of us.
Personally, for many years, the only way I knew how to find solitude and peace was to escape away to a quiet place where no one was around so I could cry my tears freely, to get the physical manifestation of emotional pain out so that I could begin to think straight and hear my thoughts and my heart, and then also God’s voice speaking comfort, truth, hope and direction for whatever circumstances triggered the overwhelming emotions at that time.
The key is to not stop there, to not let ourselves believe that isolation is the solution.
Instead, we can see it as a resting place, a refuge to just be and reflect and discover deeper truths, to seek God’s presence and be reminded of how valuable and loved we are, how much our hearts and lives and who we are matter to Him above and beyond what we imagine to be our “duty.” By taking time to “get away” from all the pressures we sometimes feel in life, we can take time to seek and receive revelation from God on what we need, on what we could do when we are ready again to stand up and face what needs to be faced, to learn what we need to learn, and take steps to grow in the right direction.
3. We Need to remember that “Perfect Love Drives Out Fear”
[PLOT SPOILER DISCLAIMER: Please do not read this section if you have not yet watched the movie but are planning to do so… Again, I didn’t reveal “details” of the plot, but I do refer to and discuss content of the closing scenes.]
The overarching theme I caught from Frozen is that ultimately love is the solution to our fears: Perfect love drives out fear.
Love that is true and unconditional — that doesn’t require us to hide who we are in order to receive it, but that reaches out to and covers us in our imperfections and weakness in such a way that it frees, empowers and transforms us to grow… This perfect love is what we need to drive out fear, so that we are no longer controlled by our fears — so that we are no longer driven to isolation (emotionally or physically) by our fears.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)
1 John teaches emphatically how “God is love” (1 John 4:7-21), and 1 John 3:6 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” 1 John 4:12 tells us how loving one another in this way that Jesus has loved us is the key to “seeing God,” to unleashing supernatural breakthrough from Heaven:
“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (1 John 4:12)
I love how the key to Frozen’s “Happy Ending” was an illustration of this type of love played out between the two sisters, not only to saving their physical lives, but also providing a platform for revelation on how to turn Elsa’s apparent curse into a blessing. In the moment of experiencing her sister’s perfect love, we all discover what one force is more powerful even than that of an otherwise unstoppable winter!
The truth is we all sometimes struggle with fear and insecurity about who we are and whether or not we are “good enough.” We all have fears and insecurity that keep us questioning ourselves, keeps us thinking we need to keep some part of ourselves in hiding.
These fears can keep us thinking that, even if we otherwise do believe and profess that, yes, God is good and God is powerful, but this issue, this problem, or this mistake is just too big or too scary to face because what if there really is nothing that can be done about it at the end of the day? And as long as these fears and insecurity succeed in convincing us to keep them “in hiding,” then the thought that nothing could be done about these particular issues remains unchallengeable and thereby un-overcome-able.
I believe, however, that as each human being is “fearfully and wonderfully made,” carefully thought out and crafted for a destiny and purpose that no one and no circumstance can steal from us the moment we find our way into the safety, refuge and guidance of God’s love (Romans 8:38-39).
I believe also that when we are able to come together in God’s name, which to me means to come together and genuinely relate to one another with grace-filled love (regardless of where you are at in your faith journey), then God shows up.
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:19-20)
And when we come to a place of humility recognizing that what we know and what we can do is limited in comparison to the resources of Heaven, then God will lift us up in ways that only He can.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (James 4:10)
After all, if God is truly God, then does it not make sense to acknowledge (to our own benefit!) that He knows more and is able to do more than we can ever hope to know and do on our own?
“For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.” (1 Corinthians 1:25)
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9)”
“What is impossible with men is possible with God.'” (Luke 18:27)
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”(Matthew 19:26)
I believe God’s plan and heart for us all along has been to give us “life to the full” (John 10:10), and to be truly free (John 8:31-32, 36) while at the same time intimately and powerfully connected to Himself as well as in community with others. We were not meant to be afraid of anyone or anything (and even to fear God is to revere and worship Him with full knowledge that we are loved as sons and daughters by Him):
“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ ” (Romans 8:15)
Ultimately, I believe that perfect love comes only from God, and as we seek to receive this love from Him and to give and receive it from one another in community as people who ultimately are all created in His image, then there is no fear too powerful for us to be able to face and overcome together!
May Frozen be a reminder for us all that in all things, we are MORE THAN CONQUERORS:
“If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?…
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:31-39)
Links to YouTube Music Videos:
Do you want to build a Snowman
Of course I want to build a Snowman (This song isn’t in the movie, but is a “response” from Elsa to her sister Ana’s “Do you want to build a Snowman”)
Frozen on Amazon.com (United States)
Frozen on Amazon. ca (Canada)
Song Lyrics for “Let It Go” (by Idina Menzel)
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the Queen
The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in; Heaven knows I tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know…Well now they know
Let it go, let it go, Can’t hold it back any more
Let it go, let it go, Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care what they’re going to say, Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do, To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free!
Let it go, let it go, I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go, You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand, and here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back, the past is in the past
Let it go, let it go, And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go, That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway.