“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?
Run in such a way as to get the prize.
Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.
They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.
No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others,
I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” -1 Corinthians 9:24-27
These past couple months, I have had “fighting” a lot on my mind…
As I realized my new pace in life, should I choose to stay in the game of full-time ministry and remain engaged in my even more full-time role as mom of 3 full-of-life children, would likely stay as is if not perhaps potentially increase (especially if things went well?), I recognized that I could not continue on for long as I had been carrying on.
While I was grateful and in awe at how things had been working out so far since the beginning of the year, I had begun noticing more and more I was running out of steam, physically. And while I had felt so strongly convicted emotionally, spiritually and vocationally, and continued to feel that way, I knew that if I didn’t do something about my physical well-being and capacity very soon, my body simply would not be able to keep up.
The truth was, one of my tactics for making it through the busy season was to “show myself grace” and “sacrifice” my exercise time. And for a while there, it seemed somehow okay.
In the beginning of the year, I found I would simply be well-spent by the end of each day, but sleep well, and wake with renewed energy for the next day. Increasingly, however, I noticed that it was getting more and more difficult to get up in the mornings and that I would stay groggy until having my cup (or 2 with the free refill!) of Starbucks. And then at night, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to get comfortable and sleep well. My body has a habit of doing that when it is fatigued. (It can be a terrible downward spiral for me from there, because a symptom of my being fatigued is greater difficulty getting good rest, which then leads to greater fatigue, greater dependency on caffeine, etc.)
Still, it seemed I was managing okay overall with the schedule, but definitely feeling more run-down, and losing the spring in my step.
At various times, I would have fleeting thoughts of, perhaps what I need to do is exercise.
But with the way I had structured my schedule, it seemed, I was averaging once, maybe twice, a month on the elliptical…and even then, it was only going through the motions, my body refusing to be pushed…and feeling justified in resisting being pushed.
Because I was tired, the last thing I would feel like doing when I had free time was to exercise. I’d think to myself, “I’m already working hard and doing enough, just rest!” “You deserve to rest…”
And then the sneaky thought came, “If the only way I can manage my current pace of life is to have to exercise, then maybe I’m not cut out for this…maybe I don’t have to do this.”
That’s when I had to do a double-take and ask myself, wait, is this something I want to do, or not? Because no one ever said I had to. No one was forcing me, or judging me into it. No one could, and no one would (because the people in my life really do care about me!).
I was the one who had said I wanted to take on ministry in this season, because it could somehow work out logistically…and I was excited that it seemed possible. I had said I at least wanted to try, try and see if things could work out.
But now, I was confronted with the fact that if things were to work out for the long term, then…I would need to make some changes that required adding some physical discomfort (exercise) more deliberately and regularly into my life. I would need to challenge myself physically, and build up more stamina, more strength and more flexibility in this body/temple of mine. To sustain the life that I had said I wanted to try, in a very real way depended upon a decision and determination to exercise.
Could I more forcefully pursue exercise, for the sake of having more in and of me to go the distance in serving others…to have more strength, more flexibility, more stamina, and to cultivate the necessary push or drive or fierceness from within to cultivate all those things?
Could I say a more emphatic yes to this life presented before me that I realized I was still just testing out…knowing now that I wouldn’t be able to manage well unless I could push myself to increase my physical limits?
This is what got me to thinking about fighting.
As I pondered the dilemma I would need to not only think about but actually act or not act upon, I wondered if I had that kind of fight in me anymore. After years of emphasizing the pursuit of gentleness, kindness and self-control, of understanding and grace and empathy…was there enough fight or push inside of me to do what I would need to do (to fight my physical comfort-zone and lethargy, my mental justifications, my emotional resistances) to get myself moving, so that I could improve my ability to stay moving, for the distance?
I have never been much of an athlete in that there is not much of a competitive bone or spirit in me. I’ve just never cared that much for trophies or medals. And I supposed I’ve never seen myself as someone who could win them because I had a difficult time really caring about winning them. When it comes to cheering for sports teams, I have a tough time as well, because I can’t help but think how both teams are made up of people, and it would be good for either team to win because I’m sure both teams want to win and are likely working hard to do so.
There are, however, fights that have always mattered to me, such as that between good and evil, between truth and deception (including self-deception), between excellence and complacency, between humility and pride, between freedom and oppression, between peace and fear/anxiety, or between joy and depression…
When I think about these battles…and the great need for warriors trained to fight on the right sides against the wrong sides…and the victory we have in Jesus reuniting us to our Heavenly Father by faith in His grace, and empowering us with His Holy Spirit…
Then that is the fight I could not ever look at and back down from–If I have been invited into the battle, I would not be able to rest content thinking that I was only willing to fight if it wouldn’t require any physical exercise and challenge or discomfort and strength training, and that if it did happen to require that, then I would decline and back down.
I believe for each of us, regardless of where you may be in your faith journey, there is a “fight” that we were each created to engage in–there are real issues and needs that our hearts were uniquely designed to be fired up by, causes that if we allow ourselves to pay attention (and not be over-distracted, preoccupied and consumed completely with building up our own comfortable lives), will naturally stir us to action and give us a reason for being that goes beyond ourselves:
“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
There is a why in each of us that makes doing whatever it takes to stand up and fight, worth it…worth the extra effort, worth the inconvenience, worth inviting the extra trouble, trials, potential headaches and heartaches.
What is your why? Have you given enough thought to it to know what it is? To know what you could do about it? To have a plan for being (becoming & remaining) the type of person who can? And then…to be doing it, walking it out, fighting your way through, fighting the good fight?